People say I sound like I know everything at work, but I don't mean to. How can I stop this and improve?

3/4/2024

We truly hope that we understood your question correctly. It seems you're discussing the need for control and the readiness to rescue everyone around you, primarily to ensure their continued approval and avoid rejection. It's about maintaining control over everything happening around you to avoid rejection or negative evaluations, essentially controlling every aspect of the situation.

A rescuer is characterized by a persistent desire to help others, and a willingness to take responsibility for the problems of those around them, which ultimately leads to prioritizing others' well-being over their own. The rescuer strives to help others, even at the expense of their own welfare and needs, which ultimately undermines relationships.

The personality of someone playing the role of a rescuer is often characterized by the following traits:

1. A desire to give more than receive.
2. Dependence on their own sense of worth and the amount of help they provide to others.
3. A desire to "fix," heal, and guide others onto the right path.
4. Painful self-esteem.
5. Attraction to those in need.
6. A tendency toward excessive control.

The problem is that the rescuer doesn't act out of altruistic intentions — they help others to feel needed, thus establishing a connection with those around them. Typically, when the rescuer loses the ability to help, their painful self-esteem resurfaces, and life seems to lose its purpose.

However, ceasing to be a rescuer doesn't mean simply observing how others struggle with their problems without intervening. On the contrary, the secret to altruistic assistance lies in genuine support, where individuals find resources to help themselves independently.

As with other dysfunctional behavior patterns, increasing self-awareness becomes the key to change. The first steps toward healing are realizing that manipulation only breeds problems in relationships and learning to find joy in the successes of others achieved independently and without external assistance.