Happy birthday
2/15/2024
Dear Alice, So, you're thirty today. You were dreading hitting that
age, but believe me, it's nothing to fear. It hasn't left a mark on your
body or your soul. It has no power over you. You're just as beautiful.
It's only been a month since you left, but it feels like an eternity.
You took everything I had: carefreeness, lightness, the ability to enjoy
life. Most importantly, you took my heart. Just want you to know, I'm
glad it's with you. No one could take better care of it. My heart is in
good hands. Here in New York, the summer's been hotter than ever. Paul
and Kate are always lounging at the beach. And I'm almost always alone.
Even when we're together, I still feel lonely. When we stroll through
the park, and I see their intertwined hands, I immediately think of your
warm palms and how you smell like rain. I spend hours in the studio,
staring at paintings of you. Every time I try to paint you again, my
memory loses your face, and I can't get it right. I gave up painting. I
tried going to the Met a few times to get inspired again. But in those
deserted, cool corridors, I could hear your voice and the echo of your
footsteps. When I returned, I dialed the hotel where you stayed to ask
if Miss Ostrovska had come by. I already knew the answer. Just like I
know now that I'm futilely searching for you in the halls of the Museum
of Modern Art or on the paths of Central Park. Once, I even booked your
room. I spent the whole night in a bed that had forgotten the curves of
your body. Your scent was gone as if you'd never been in those rooms. I
became afraid: what if one day, memories of you also fade from my body?
It's strange to search for someone who resides inside you. I asked Paul
about you, but he just looks away. I want you to know that despite the
pain you left in my heart, I don't regret meeting you. Not many get to
bask in the light you brought into our two months together. On this day,
when the world became better because you were in it, I want to wish you
happiness. Genuine happiness. I love you, Alice. I remember you. Happy birthday!
